“Some people don’t like you because your strength reminds them of their weakness.  Don’t let the hate slow you down.” – Dr. Thema Bryant

There is nothing wrong with wanting other people to like you.  Wanting to be part of the tribe is a natural part of being human.  It’s perfectly normal to think about the opinions of others before we make choices or take action.

There is a difference thought, between wanting other people to like you, and spending your life with that desire as your primary guide.  Choosing to do something strictly because people will like you more may not turn out poorly every time, but over time you’ll create a life that works for everyone but you.

That’s especially true for leaders.  So many leaders spend so much time trying to be liked that they seem to judge their careers by how they’ve managed to avoid conflict.  I remember being at a retirement party some years ago for an long-time executive, and the thing that was said most about him at the party was that he never had any conflict with anybody.  He said it himself, and was bragging when he said it.

If you’re a leader long enough you’re going to have conflict.  There’s no way that everything you want to say or do or every choice you want to make will exactly line up with what everybody else wants.  It’s impossible. 

As a leader, you have to do what you think is best, and that means sometimes people won’t be happy, and they will specifically not be happy with you.  It’s not fun, and it can be pretty stressful for most people.  But avoiding things that aren’t fun is part of a leader’s job description.

Look at your path as a leader.  When you’ve been faced with a decision, has your desire to avoid conflict caused you to make a decision you really weren’t happy about?  Or to take some kind of action you really didn’t believe in?  Almost everyone has given in to that desire to be liked at some point in time.

I’m not suggesting that you should go out of your way to make people angry, or that if you make a popular decision it must be wrong, or even that you should never care what people think.  If you surround yourself with great people, and they’re upset about a decision, perhaps you need to reconsider.

All I’m saying is that too many leaders have made conflict-avoidance decisions their whole careers (and lives) and end up miserable, leading an organization that isn’t what they want it to be.  Figure out what you think is right, then go for it.  Don’t let the desire to be popular slow you down.