“Denial is a common tactic that substitutes deliberate ignorance for thoughtful planning.” – Charles Tremper

Last week in this space, the topic was leaders operating in fantasyland.  Based on the feedback we received, it’s even more common than we thought.  In particular, leaders are apparently demonstrating the highest levels of delusion when it comes to people.

Leaders regularly express frustration that their people don’t act or perform in the desired manner.  Maybe they don’t work enough hours, maybe they aren’t productive enough, maybe they’re not efficient enough, whatever.  Leaders often feel like they aren’t getting what they need from (some) of their people.

The first, most obvious question for those frustrated leaders is “Did you actually tell them what you needed?”  Quite often, leaders seem to think their people should just have some magical intuition about what they’re supposed to do and how they’re supposed to do it.  “They should know” is a phrase I hear from leaders quite often.  So, before you lose your temper, make sure it’s not your fault as the leader.

But assuming you did your part, you have to be honest with yourself.  If someone repeatedly doesn’t do what’s expected, at some point you need to accept that it’s not going to happen.  We don’t like to admit defeat, and we like to think people can do whatever we need if we just push the right leadership buttons.

Unfortunately, that’s not always true.  If the same person is repeatedly responsible for the same frustrations over and over again, and you’ve earnestly done all the right things as a leader, you need to stop the denial and admit that you’re probably not going to get what you want.  At that point, either accept it and move on, or remove that person from your organization.

Whether it’s that specific problem, or anything else with people, there are times when we have to acknowledge that things just aren’t going to change.  We’ve legitimately attempted to do whatever we can but we’re just not going to get what we want.

When you’re in that situation, you have two choices.  You can adjust your behavior to match the reality that you’re dealing with.  Or, you can deny that reality and continue to beat your head against a wall.  Just so you know – the wall always wins.